Tutorial for Children: The Art of Stealing Easter Candy

This tutorial is an act of public service, from CakeSpy to the children of the world. 

Every year, millions of children are deprived of the proper amount of Easter candy that they are due. Parents actually hide or otherwise withhold this Easter candy, justifying this behavior by saying it's for the children's health. 

How do I know this? Because, dear readers, I was one of these children. It's true. As a child, every year when stores started displaying their Easter candy wares, my mother would buy bags and bags of candy, notably Cadbury Mini Eggs. And she would dole them out to we starving children only very sparingly--in torturous servings of one or two at a time. Sometimes she'd even hide them around the house, so that we had to perform a mini egg hunt before enjoying our treat! 

But after a while, I got wise. I realized that she had to have a stash somewhere, and I found it. But how to get access to the sweet treasure without mother's watchful eye noticing? 

As a fairly clever kid (if I do say so myself) I devised a way. And now, children of the world, I'd like to share this method with you. I'm posting it now, at the end of January, so you can hone your art as the Easter Candy season approaches--you might just find it works with Valentine's Day candy, too!

Keep in mind that this method works best with bags of candy that contain many small units--for instance, you wouldn't want to do this with say, a two-pack of Reese's cups. You'd be busted right away because the missing pieces would be evident. But to perform this candy-poaching method with a bag of, say, Cadbury Mini Eggs, it works like a charm.

How to Steal Easter Candy Without Your Mom Noticing

Step 1: Assemble your tools. I suggest an X-Acto Knife, and clear tape. You can use a pair of sharp scissors, using one extended scissor leg as a knife, if you don't have access to a knife. The glossy kind of tape is best, but the matte kind is OK. 

Step 2: Turn the bag over, so you are looking at the back of it. Flip the flap on the back.

Step 3: Using your X-Acto knife, gently cut a 2-inch or so incision along the flap which you've flipped back, trying to keep your line as straight as possible. Don't cut too deeply or you might cut through the entire bag by accident!

Step 4: Remove a few candies. I know your impulse is to take a bunch, but stay cool. Don't take too many, or you WILL be busted. There will be more bags, trust me.

Step 5: Cut a strip of tape to the length of the incision. Cut the tape in half, lengthwise, so it is quite narrow. Adhere it to the incision, pressing it flat and smoothing out air bubbles.

Step 6: Fold the flap back.

Voila! Now, take the candy and run. Smile to yourself when mom says "Gosh, they put less and less candies in these bags every year!". 

Cue the "the more you know" music, and let the rainbows provide a fade-out! No need to thank me, but yes, you're very welcome.

Comments

[Marci Johnson]

Ohhhhh you are smart.... so smart.... There should be an award given or something for this. My mom did not like candy and my dad LOVED it... My dad loved it so much he would eat it all before we could even get any.

[PW]

You are Brilliant Miss Spy!!! How delightfully clever to hide the entry point behind the flap of the candy bag. Where was this vital advice when I was growing up, a similarly deprived and starving child?! Thank you, for children, and former children, everywhere...! Hugs, PW

[E.A. Blair]

My sister bullied me a lot (she was six years older) and used to take Easter candy away from me and make threats if I complained (she used to do this at Hallowe'en, too). One Easter morning, I woke up while everyone else was still asleep, found where our baskets were, and put most of the candy from my basket into hers. I then made sure that I "got out of bed" after everyone else was up, then put on the appropriate disappointed look when I found out how skimpy my basket was while my sister was more than delighted with hers. Our parents took a look at my nearly empty basket and her overflowing one, and made us trade. They assumed that she had raided mine - after all, it wouldn't make sense for me to do it, would it?

She got her revenge, though. When our mother was in her final illness, she stipulated that the house was to be sold and the money divided equally. My sister used her power of attorney to sign the house over to herself, and she took ownership after Mom died and locked me out of the family home.