Faking It: How To Pass Off Store Bought Baked Goods as Your Own
Wednesday, June 3, 2009 
Let's be honest: there are times when you're just not feeling it. Don't worry: we're all tempted to fake it sometimes.
There are many reasons why you might want to pass off purchased baked goods as your own. Maybe you want people to think you're a better baker than you really are. Maybe you're pressed for time or ingredients. Maybe--let's be honest-- you're just plain lazy.
But don't despair. Whatever your reason may be, here are a few tips for faking it, dessert-style: by slightly editing store or bakery-bought baked goods to make them seem homemade. They're quick and easy, and bound to win you accolades--whether you deserve them or not, you lazy jerk.
Cookies: One of the major challenges with store-bought cookies is that they are so--pardon the pun--cookie-cutter perfect. The solution? Put a pat of butter in a frying pan on medium heat. While it is heating up, take a lightly serrated knife (I used the mini one on the side of a waiter's corkscrew) and gently razor the edges of the cookie to create slight imperfections. Once the butter is lightly bubbling, place cookies in the pan. Leave them in just long enough so that they begin to brown on the bottom. Remove from heat, and with your (very clean) hand, slightly dent the tops and sides to create a slightly "homemade" look. The genius of this method is actually twofold: not only do you get a more homemade look, but the frying also gives them a buttery, freshly-baked aroma.
Pie: The problem with a store-bought pie can often be its too-perfect crust and perfectly even filling. What to do? First, you'll want to preheat the oven (I used 300 degrees). Once warm, place the pie in the oven for a short period of time--just about five minutes--until the crust has gotten a little bit soft. Once out of the oven, use the bottom side of a spoon to gently press down on the crust to create slight imperfections. As for that perfect topping? Cover it up! A generous topping of whipped cream, spread in a very homey, imperfect manner and then topped with cinnamon or nutmeg, gives a nice homemade touch.
Cupcakes: The problem with cupcakes that you buy at the supermarket or at a bakery is that they are decorated just a little too beautifully. Though it might hurt you to do it, you're going to have to take them under the knife. Make sure the frosting is soft and doesn't have any crisp edges first, as they will cause weird little chunks in your reconstituted frosting. Using a butter knife, gently redistribute the frosting to look a little more homespun. To look like you tried to do something fancy at home, try dipping the sides into sprinkles. Just like homemade...sort of.
- "It's my grandmother's secret recipe!"
- "I found it on a blog...but forgot to bookmark it!"
- "I'll email you the recipe!" (this said in a sort of "Check's in the mail", offhanded sort of way)
- "That's weird--they do taste just like that bakery's (insert baked good here)! Excuse me." (beat a hasty exit)
cakespy mischief
Reader Comments (37)
Naughty! But clever. Sort of like Wily Coyote.
ha ha... that's great. I'll be linking on my edible crafts column! But on Saturday. Cuz I'm working on future posts now. (ediblecrafts.craftgossip.com)
Thank goodness I'm not the only one that plots, I mean, thinks this way!
Is it bad that I'm so lazy that the cookie one seems like an exhorbant amount of work. Seems like whipping up a batch of cookies would be easier lol
This is like Sandra Lee's guide to life.
Oh dear you've made me laugh!!!!...I think it's better to say "I didn't feel like baking today so I bought something instead"....because bought stuff it's never very good!! LOL
I just go to Tartine and let them know what lucky bastards they are to have received Tartine goodies... because you know... I just don't like everyone thaaaat much so really they're SPECIAL that I didn't just bake but bought them you know... stuff from Tartine fer chrissakes!
why would you do this when baking itself is so much simpler!
Ha! What a funny post. I especially like the last excuse.
Hilarious. You have such a fun (slightly warped) sense of humor and you're such a gem to share it with us.
I love this blog idea. I wanted to keep reading and and more on this subject.
When you're out of time, what better way to do it than to pull the wool....he he - they certainly look way better and I bet they all taste better too!
Way to go. Thanks!
LOL!!!! Hilarious!!! I'd never fake store-bought as my own, but it was a great read! Thanx!
Faking it is necessary in all aspects of life...hehe:)
I should send this to my Mother In Law... queen of buying those icky store bought cakes & cookies!! Ew.
I love it! This is hysterical. Keep this sort of thing coming, I need more of these secrets.
Oh, you're good in combining several pastries dear. Everything looks so good just by looking at the image. Maybe it tastes even better! Yum! Yum!
love your secret!
he he. Love the little tricks and your follow up quotes.
Very tricky! I love that you admit to this. The sweet potato pie is brilliant
Love this post! Of course I would NEVER do anything like this (wink wink).
I can't say that I've done this, but I have thought of it... Great ideas!
Thanks for Sharing! i think i'l attempt it... with my limited baking skills!
L
Ahahahahah! Can I be your friend? You're just way too cool!
Ahahahahah! Can I be your friend? You're just way too cool!