Sweet Surrender: A Little Debbie Death Match
Monday, August 10, 2009 
Oh, Little Debbie. You loyal lunchtime companion, you siren of saccharine sweetness. With you, we've unwrapped so many smiles--and you've never asked for anything in return.
What have you done? A side by side comparison of several Little Debbie treats to see which one will rise victorious through various challenges. Winners were determined simply: at the end of each challenge, which seemed the most edible? (Though, as a disclaimer, we did not eat them afterward)
Let the games begin:
Challenge One: Death by Boiling
Brownie: Dude. This brownie was a survivor--while the icing melted fairly quickly, even after six minutes the cake part was holding strong and still retaining much of its original form. It wasn't until minute seven that it began to fall apart.
Oatmeal Creme Pie: This little guy never stood a chance. Almost instantly the snack cake began to fall apart when it hit the boiling water; in under thirty seconds, it had completely liquefied, with not even crumbs remaining.
Zebra Cake: The first thing that happened was that this cake seemed to dissect itself: the top icing and middle creme layer began to melt, thus separating the cake layers, which then began to expand in the water. The pieces held steady for nearly five minutes until they began to disintegrate.
Winner: Cosmic Brownie, which not only lasted longest but also retained the best form.
Challenge Two: Death by Car
Objective: To see which treat would fare best when run over by a car.
Brownie: Held its form surprisingly well, considering that it was a frosted brownie--no frosting stuck to the car wheel. Perhaps because it was so oily? This one was definitely the most interesting to look at, too.
Oatmeal Creme Pie: Like the brownie, this little sandwich cookie fared pretty well, retaining its general makeup and not even losing much filling. 
Swiss Roll: Total Goners. They stuck everywhere: the tire, between the treads, the ground. It was grisly.
Zebra Cake: Not much better than the Swiss Rolls--it seemed as if this snack cake exploded under the weight of the car.
Winner: Oatmeal Creme Pie. While it was a hard decision between this and the brownie, ultimately the fact that the filling was intact made it slightly more appetizing.
Challenge Three: Death by Flight
Objective: To see which snack cake would fare best after being dropped from a second-story window.
Brownie: After landing on its side, Brownie almost looked normal...but upon closer inspection, had a strange and unnatural twist in its side. Sure, it survived...but it would never be the same.
Oatmeal Creme Pie: The cookies acted as a protective buffer, and quite honestly, this one probably just could have been dusted off and given to a friend, and nobody would have been the wiser.
Swiss Roll: The roll cracked open at the seam, allowing the sweet cream to ooze out--the equivalent of a confectionery head wound?
Zebra Cake: Poor, poor Zebra Cake. This one fared the worst, hitting a step on the way down and leaving a sad trail of creme filling as it went. Zebra Cake was so not okay.
Winner: Oatmeal Creme Pie. It didn't seem to have suffered very much at all, other than collecting some dead leaves and dust.
Challenge Four: Death by Mr. CakeSpy
Objective: To see which treat will fare best when jumped on by the mighty Mr. CakeSpy.
See? He meant business. 
Brownie: Not so bad at all. It definitely suffered, but didn't lose its form under the weight of the mighty jump.
Oatmeal Creme Pie: Sure, it's only a small bit of creme filling poking out of the top cookie...but who's to say it's not a cookie concussion, bound to claim the cookie's life at any moment?
Swiss Roll: Oh, poor swirly treats: the creme that makes them so delicious was also their downfall, popping out at the ends and rendering them limp and a shadow of their former selves.
Zebra Cake: Though the form was somewhat intact, the moment the cellophane was lifted, half of the frosting and cake came with it. Another one bites the dust.
Winner: Brownie. It was close, but ultimately the Oatmeal Creme Pie looked like it might not survive.
Conclusion: Overall, these Little Debbie treats are hardier than you might think: they're willing and able to withstand all sorts of hardship and will generally remain surprisingly edible. Of course, whether this information is comforting or horrifying is up to you. Naysayers may express horror at the health implications of ingesting foods that won't die. But isn't it much nicer to think that if you grew up eating them, you might have absorbed some of these sweet super powers?
cakespy mischief
Reader Comments (55)
Um...does someone have a little too much time on their hands...
Hahaha, that was fantastic.
@Carol - I would say the opposite...I wish Jessie had all the time in the world to do more of this :P
...next....on the the Hostess'!!!!
That was THE best thing I have seen in a long time. In fact, I laughed so hard at Little Devil Debbie, something came out of my nose.
The Swiss Cake Roll that was flattened by a car? Looks suspiciously like squirrel road kill.
Hahaha! I haven't laughed so long in a while! Totally awesome! I thought it was going to be a taste test at first. :D
I used to buy the oatmeal creme pies for my kids because you got more of them per box than with the other snacks. Now I see that they're also pretty strong stuff!
omg was going to say the same as above -- the swiss cake roll after the tire looks like a squirrel with angel wings!!! coincidence? i think not!
Now I have to go to the store and get some Oatmeal Cream Pies - serious craving attack!
This is hilarious! Oatmeal Cream Pies are one of my favorites but to be honest it sorta scares me that with all they went throw they held up so well. Seriously what do they put in those things?
Soo funny, what a great pick me up to read! These are a great childhood pastime!
hahah how do you come up with these crazy ideas? too cute.
You forgot to try death by flushing, I can just picture the mutant forms that would be created in the town sewage treatment plant....
You always put a smile on my face with your posts.
About the sweet potato pudding. I have never made it but I think the sweet potato is mashed, seasoned with some spices and then placed in a bowl and steamed. It is served on Saturdays with souse made of pork, pig's feet or chicken feet. See this post for souse: http://www.tasteslikehome.org/2009/06/losing-food-identity.html
Shoot – I was rooting for the swiss cake rolls. I like to remove the chocolate coating first and eat it before I eat the cake. Weird, I know.
OW, hahaha, i lawlz at ze gateaus
That IS horrifying. And yet now I crave an oatmeal pie...
So awesome! You've made me nostalgic for these sweets, although I'm afraid they wouldn't live up to the memory.
Amazing.
I'm curious... which would dominate after a few seconds (or longer) in a microwave??
The cake process is really insightful :)
LOL- this is why I love you!
this made me giggle, as well as making me hungry.
I don't know what it is... it's just something about squashed sweet treats that make my tummy grumble :D
haha pretty funny! We used to buy Little Debbie's all the time. It's been years since I've had any though.
Hilarious challenges...loved the comics that went along with it. Glad to see my old friends the Oatmeal Cream Pies come out on top (well, a tie is as good as a win right?).
Mmm, these snacks got me through high school (back when they were only 25 cents!). I think death by car was the best one, if only because the brownie.
I think you may have invigorated my quest to recreate the oatmeal cream pie at home!
LOL! Hey I could have eaten those!!! ;) Especially the oatmeal pie YUMMY!!!
Next time, I will read you when I get back home. I started jiggling behind my computer and my coworkers still don't understand...
I really liked the car crash test, and I am sure that the brownie could be given to a CSI team for car DNA match and everything. That has to be a winner, right?
how come your blog updates show up first on bloglovin "to-thali awesome" before it shows up on your blog?? :@
That is frustrating!