I'm totally not lying. DIY cream cheese is a thing, and it is delicious. It takes some time and patience, but it's really quite easy to make--the hardest part is the waiting, as it has various resting periods.
This cream cheese is great eaten on bagels, or used to make a very impressive cream cheese frosting. Seriously--how cool will you seem when you tell people you made your own cream cheese for the awesome red velvet cake you're serving?